Permission to...

I, Helen, wish to give myself permission to fail.

It's really that simple. The desire to create works of beauty, to play something perfectly, to have that dish come out right, to say the right thing at the right time -- all those desires have felt at times like heavy responsibilities, keeping me from trying out new stuff for fear that it won't turn out "right." The outcome has often been the empty page stays empty, the desire to create remains un-acted-upon. I wish to give myself permission to suck at stuff, to not be great at everything, to try and sometimes fall on my face. To laugh, get up, and try again.

Wishcasting: What story do you wish to live or let go of?

This week for Wishcasting I wish to let go of a story that portrays me as unqualified or underqualified. I have had a tendency to feel that there is some prerequisite experience or knowledge that I need first in order to... fill in the blank. That could be -- put myself out there as a teacher or expert, create a composition, sing in public, or sell my services for anything that I'm able to do. I almost always feel there is some level of mastery to be achieved before I can legitimately put myself out there, or allow myself to create something new. This old story is weighing me down, and I wish to be like the dancing "grim reaper" on the tarot card I drew today. I want to leave the old decaying matter aside, and cut loose the threads to let new possibilities be released.

The possibilities? Mastery is not a prerequisite, it is an ever just-beyond-reach ideal. The new story I wish to live is that I have years of experience learning various disciplines and crafts, amassing knowledge, and that while the process will never end, people can still benefit from what I have within in me thus far. So while art and life are a work in progress, it's completely okay to share exactly where I am today. It is still something worthwhile to give.

A kinder and gentler season

Each Wednesday, Jamie Ridler provides a question as a prompt for participants to cast wishes and support one another's wish making. For today's Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie asks, "What do you wish for this holiday season?"

This holiday season is starting out much like the others I’ve experienced since becoming an adult. More hassle than fun. Even when I was a child, I did not enjoy having a birthday so close to Christmas. December now typically means a heaping serving of stress about gift shopping, numerous social gatherings, and last but not least, a mound of anxiety about the passing of another year accompanied with plenty of critical self-judgment about how little I’ve accomplished. It seems that I really haven’t been able to truly enjoy my birthday month for years, maybe decades.

The rest of this holiday (and birthday) season, my wish is to be more relaxed and actually find time to nurture my spirit. And I’d like to feel no guilt for not always taking care of others first. I wish to be able to look at the past year and see plenty of accomplishments rather than all the things I didn’t get around to. I wish to enjoy social gatherings without feeling like I have to measure up to some ideal of what a host or guest should be. In short, I wish to be kinder and gentler to myself and to savor the spirit of the season in a more simple and pure way.