May Dreamboard - Full Flower Moon

The first thing that strikes me is the symbol for 'real' and the breaking of bricks, the martial arts, power. It is a very masculine image and full of strong energy. Right by it is the peacock, confidently strutting his stuff. All this "starts with a single step." Full of dynamism, this month's board has touches of red all over it, with "just done it," and all the corners have some red. The coral may represent treasures from the deep. The airborne dancers are saying something about my ability or desire to soar, and the woman with the megaphone is nearby, declaring "this is the music." But also, there are a few touches of more quiet and feminine energy. The flowers, the vase with marbles, the woman in a dress of the fifties, the bell jars protecting plants and specimens.

I am desperate to create this month. I can see it in the dynamic red-haired girls, in the multiplied violins, in the megaphone. Perhaps even loops and duplications are called for, at least that's what I initially thought when I saw the layered violins of different colors. "Just do it" and "just love it" are the two things that need to happen with my art right now. I know that I am capable, I just need to do it. Perhaps the martial arts master is saying, you must focus your power. He says that it takes discipline, and that you must believe you can do it. I am ready to create and to learn to trust myself and my own power.

What does it mean to be powerful? What does it mean to be full of vitality and inner confidence? Vitality: the moment is full of life. There is movement and not stuckness. There is boldness of action. There is presence in the moment. There is a certain fullness of being that celebrates the power of the moment. Confidence: I am full of trust in myself. I know that I can do what I set out to do.

I am really looking forward to discovering what else this board has to say to me this month.

If you're interested in making a dreamboard yourself and sharing it with others, check out Jamie Ridler's Full Moon Dreamboards Online. Take a look at what others are dreaming for themselves for this full moon here.

A week of morning pages

What does a week's worth of morning pages look like as a word cloud? I had some fun with Wordle, which created this for me. It's fun to see what words are emphasized, and I might do this each week, as a fun way to glance at the themes emerging each week.

April Dreamboard for the Full Pink Moon

The birds have been pecking at what's left of last summer's basil plant. Pulling at the dried leaves and stripping bits of stem to line or construct their nests. Their little bodies jump into the pot and beaks pull at the bits left. Maybe the chive plant did not lose its dried leaves to a strong wind after all. I imagine how the little birds just plucked them cleanly off, as if a pair of scissors had given the chive plant a haircut.

I love thinking about how our windowsill has become a bit of a natural world, in this clattering city. The birds are frightened when I come to the window, but if I stay back and move very slowly, they are so absorbed in their work.

The tree that was stripped of bark seems to be coming back somewhat. I don't know how strong it will be, or if the stripping has now hardened enough so that there won't be that much loss of moisture. It was hard to see that happen, and it made me so angry last summer.

I've been directing a lot of disappointment at myself lately. But I realize that so much of this is a kind of mental noise. Not helpful. How do I turn it off? I look at the dreamboard for the Full Pink Moon, and one of the most prominent images is that wooly brain. I've had knitting on my mind, as I've suffered a couple of weeks with no knitting project in progress. Perhaps that's part of the message. But also, I felt that this airy, wooly brain was a message that I need to see beyond it, I need to escape the tyranny. It's not so scary as it wants me to believe. I know that nature helps, I know that adventure helps, I know that going to quiet inspiration helps. Maybe even the two go together. I can find my peace by knitting. Perhaps even knitting to music can be helpful. I can study music and get the overall flow of the Brahms by listening to it over and over, and knitting knitting knitting.

I've been in a dark place about my own playing lately. I feel I suck. I feel that I am not playing what I want to be playing. But perhaps that is the message and the challenge. The next challenge could be to find a place, discomfort allowed, that I am pushing toward something I can't quite do yet, and I am also at peace with myself and where I am at the moment. It is kind of like the Kenny Werner book. I can't even remember the title, but I remember that idea of "fear-based" practicing, playing, composing. I have a need to move beyond that. If I don't loathe and fear myself, perhaps I can just accept and love what beauty issues from my mind and my instrument. I am a beautiful musician too. There is no need for me to be stuck in a place of hating my own sound. I know it's not helpful. I've been doing a lot of recording lately, and it feels really disappointing to feel that my best stuff is not getting down on tape. But what does this really mean? If I can get to my 80% place on tape consistently, that is pretty good. I know there's internal work to do.

I feel I am okay, but I want to be great. I want to be able to achieve these wonderful phrases and jazzy sounds, and classical-like sound and expression, and folky expression. It takes a lot of work and a lot of internal wisdom and patience. How do I get there? What can I do to help myself reach this place? Perhaps my dreamboard can show me the answers as I'm ready to see them.

Lace and space

I'm getting increasingly ambitious with my knitting projects. While I don't have pictures of them, I knit a handful of washcloths and a couple of scarves for others this winter. It was time to knit something for myself and I recently finished this pair of knit lace fingerless gloves. I'm in the midst of knitting withdrawal, as there are no projects in progress.

We'll have to fix that soon, but that means I have to decide what the next project will be and buy the yarn for it. I'm feeling the days and weeks creeping by, days with no knitting to turn to when I simply want to breathe and do something soothing, something easy on my otherwise too-busy brain. Deciding on the next creative project is a difficult thing for me, not only in knitting but anything else. I want to pick the "right" thing, and I start getting impatient with myself as I flutter from one idea to the next. It's frustrated that when I'm in the mood to knit, I've got nowhere to turn. I'm happiest when I'm in the middle of a project, or maybe even nearing the end. The completion of a project is bittersweet for me. Celebrating releasing something new out into the world is all too quickly followed by a sense of blankness.

Maybe space makes me a little uncomfortable. But maybe that's a good thing too? Or perhaps not good or bad, but useful. Maybe today it can remind me that I have this creative discomfort, and this impulse is only part of the process, the CYCLE.

Dreamboard for the Full Snow Moon

Although we've had plenty of snow this winter, this week is offering almost spring-like weather and my board seems to reflect this energy.

I'm looking forward to spending some time asking this board some questions. It's the second time this year that a question (mark) has been central to my dreamboard. I guess I'm in a period of transition and questions, but something is on the horizon (the "turning pointe"?). Yellow is also showing up, a color I associate with sunny optimism, lifting spirits, turning lemons into lemonade, and the woman in the yellow dress is drinking in that inspiration.

There is a lot of mystery in this board, things turned upside down, eyes in shadow, ancient structures. I think my dreamboard is asking me to be comfortable in not knowing -- that the mystery and paradoxes are not to be answered right away, and that the process of active searching and puzzling over the unknown can be creative inspiration too. As archetypes I can look to for guidance, there are many possibilities in this dreamboard. They all stir up ambivalent feelings in me, but perhaps this is the point: to lean into the appeal and discomfort that appear simultaneously in these images and personalities.

The big gooey question mark gives me plenty to ponder during this moon cycle...

If you're interested in making a dreamboard yourself and sharing it with others, check out Jamie Ridler's Full Moon Dreamboards Online or try A Year of Dreams. Take a look at what others are dreaming for themselves for this full moon here.

Dreamboard for the Full Wolf Moon

As I pulled images from magazines for this dreamboard, I felt uninspired and concerned at how I might not like this one. It's not the first time this has happened, so I was again relieved and delighted at how this board came together. There are a few more mysteries in here, waiting to be contemplated and discovered, but so far this is what I feel this board is expressing:

• Paying attention to the flowering of beauty all around me
• Joyful dancing and moving from the core of myself
• Radiating outwards boldly and luminously
• Receiving inspiration
• Celebrating transformation
• Embracing what is
• Expressing artistically my own story, my own angle
• Tuning in to what and who I love
  
• Entering and being inspired by sacred places, in nature or made by humans
• The beauty and energy of circles
• Sparkly, joyful abundance
• Resting in comfort and beautiful surroundings
• Being able to wear lovely, impractical shoes

If you're interested in making a dreamboard yourself and sharing it with others, check out Jamie Ridler's Full Moon Dreamboards Online or try A Year of Dreams. Take a look at what others are dreaming for themselves for this full moon here.

Dreamboard for the Full Cold Moon

(click on image for larger view)

For this special full moon, complete with lunar eclipse and occurring on the winter solstice, I decided I would spend some extra time, go deeper, and create a Soul Reflections board by following along with Jamie Ridler's Soul Reflections Home Edition workshop in a box.

It's the second time I've created a board this way, and each time I look at this board I'm seeing different things in it. As I started creating the board I was concerned it was going to turn out an ugly, confused mess. However, as I pasted images down it felt better and better, and now I love it.

This board celebrates the feminine. Even the "tough" elements are "tough-glam" with sparkle and flair. It seems the board is telling me to pay attention to feeding my soul with beauty, pampering, rest, yummy things, nurturing environments. Flowers and butterflies symbolize the unfolding and transforming journey I'm on. I feel a lot of power when I look at this board, and I'm looking forward to discovering more of its messages.

Enjoy your holidays, with peace and joy!